LezCommunicate

The Courage to Walk Away Part 2

• Steph & Shellbz • Season 1 • Episode 2

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What happens when the chaos and drama you've grown accustomed to in relationships suddenly disappears, replaced by something calm, supportive, and—dare we say—"boring"? Steph and Shellbz dive deep into the disorienting transition from toxic relationships to healthy ones, revealing the unexpected challenges that arise when you finally experience genuine love.

The hosts share vulnerable stories about their trauma responses, like apologizing excessively for simply existing. "I didn't even know I was doing it," Shellbz admits, while Steph shares how her partner gently points it out: "knock it off." They explore how previous partners systematically undermined their confidence through seemingly small criticisms—from eyeliner application to t-shirt choices—and the liberation that comes from finally being with someone who builds them up instead.

Perhaps most revealing is their mutual confession of not knowing how to respond when consistently receiving genuine affection and desire. "Yesterday she looked at me like I was a whole fucking snack just while I was trying to do shit around the house and I didn't know what to do with that," Shellbz shares. This leads to a profound discussion about distinguishing between infatuation, obsession, lust, and authentic love—and how past relationships they labeled as "love" were actually more about fixing someone or being needed.

The episode culminates in a powerful realization: healthy relationships feel different because they've finally learned to value themselves first. As Steph puts it, "I feel like at that point in time... I just wanted to show her that there was good in the world. But did I want that? Did I believe that was going to last? I don't think so."

Ready to examine your own relationship patterns? Subscribe now and join our community where queerness meets chaos and honesty meets hilarity.

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Steph:

Welcome to let's Communicate the podcast, where queerness needs chaos, honesty needs hilarity and nothing is off limits. I'm your host, steph, and I'm here with my bestie, shelby, and we are diving headfirst into relationships, hot takes and all the things we definitely shouldn't be saying out loud. So grab your Red Bull or your cocktail and let's communicate. All right, here we go. I got this. I think overthinking that's the counting to 10. Here we go, I got this. I think overthinking. That's like that's the counting to 10. Like you've got to count to 10, like take a breath, count to 10 and remind yourself like this is what a healthy relationship is like, this is how it is Like. When Kelly and I first started dating, I couldn't figure out like why she wasn't comparing her ex to me all the time. You never talk about her Like what the fuck? There's something going on there and that's so nice too.

Shellbz:

I didn't realize how much I would appreciate that shit. Right, right, oh my God.

Steph:

It's just like holy shit, Like are you telling me that normal people don't do fine? You're not going to like, compare me to her and tell me all the reasons why I don't add up to her.

Shellbz:

Or like the apologizing consistently, Like I know I do it sometimes.

Steph:

but I've noticed that she does it a lot.

Shellbz:

And I was like you don't have to fucking say sorry for everything you know like it's okay.

Steph:

Yeah, I say I, we, we had to change. So I am no longer to say I can no longer say I'm sorry, I just have to say fuck. But. So I am no longer to say I can no longer say I'm sorry, I just have to say fuck. But yeah, everything, I apologize for everything.

Shellbz:

That's the way she is to everything that's a trauma bomb.

Steph:

That's a trauma, yeah.

Shellbz:

Yeah, I know, and I try not to do it too, because I know that I do it as well yeah, I try and catch myself, just fucking grab her face. I'm like stop, you don't have to be sorry for just existing, it's okay. Yeah, like I'm not gonna be mad at you for asking for help. Let me be there for you.

Steph:

I don't even know what. I apologize like. I don't even recognize that I'm doing it. I don't same like I don't see it, I don't. I'm like, I only recognize it now because kelly points it out knock it off. Yeah, stop. What are you? Sorry, I don't know.

Shellbz:

I don't fucking know healthy is wild, though.

Steph:

Yeah, yeah, it's a very peaceful and it is. It's like I took my. I was talking to my therapist the other day. I'm like it, so it's kind of boring. I don't know what to do.

Shellbz:

I don't hate it, yeah, but I don't know what to do with it.

Steph:

Yeah, I'm just like I'm like, what do I do now, right? Like I'm not, like I'm not drowning in a swimming pool or anything like that. I'm like, I just don't know. I don't even know. I don't even know how to act or how to like be.

Shellbz:

Constantly waiting for something to happen, yeah. Yeah, like how long does that fucking feeling last? I don't.

Steph:

I mean, fuck, I don't know, I'd like that to go away.

Shellbz:

Right.

Steph:

Right, I'd like to stop waiting for like this guy to start falling out Seriously.

Shellbz:

You'll just be sitting there, like this morning. I don't remember what we're doing. We're sitting on my porch and she's like I can't believe this is my life and I was like me. Neither I. I didn't even know what to do with that, like just the little shit, like that, and then I'm just waiting for me to fuck up, or her not like something about me or something, and she's like I'm not fucking going anywhere. Are you sure? Are you? Are you?

Steph:

positive.

Shellbz:

Are you sure, did you like solidify that in your brain, cause I haven't yet that you're not. I just started like telling Kelly, like all the bad things about me See, I laid all my bullshit out, all of the flaws that I like I know that I have, and I'm like I'll just point out all of the things that other people pointed out and you can decide whether that's true or not. Take it for what it is. Evaluate, let me know, I don't know. It's just easier, I think.

Steph:

Yeah, I mean, I think that like I don't know, I don't know exactly, like I never had none of my exes, like ever pointed out, like anything that was specifically wrong with me, except the last one, like the last one would tell me, like all of the reasons why I wasn't good enough and it was almost.

Steph:

But I think my therapist like pegged this down right. She said that the reason why that was was because my last ex was mad at me, like she was taking all of her like anger and upsetness out on me. She was, she was not happy with herself and she saw in me like what she wanted to be, who she wanted to be like inside of me. So she wasn't dating me because she liked me. She was dating me because she wanted to like be me.

Steph:

So which makes sense, yeah, and so I'm like going about like living this like happy little life, like living over here. So her whole like job was to take me down a bank, which is so fucked.

Shellbz:

God, you're supposed to build your partner up, right?

Steph:

not bring them down so I mean most of the most of this shit that like she came up with was just it must have been for her, that must have been like her stuff. That was wrong because, like I never had any anyone tell me like those things, I never had anyone make me feel that low before it was just like I fucking hate that. Yeah, well, it was like I've dealt with like cheaters and like assholes and like things like this, but like somebody that like intentionally would just go out of their way.

Shellbz:

Yeah, to make you feel like, to make you feel like shit, they have to point something out, even non-existent shit, or make you believe that you did something, that you're like there's no fucking way I did that, yeah, yeah, and that makes you question every fucking thing you've done.

Steph:

Fuck, like every single time I put makeup on now, like all I think about is like the line above my eye, because there's a space in my line. And how could I have that space in between, like my eyeliner and my eye? I'm like what the fuck?

Shellbz:

Like, thank you.

Steph:

Thank you for giving me that trauma, like apparently you couldn't find anything else wrong with me. So today you're going to tell me that my eyeliner looks like shit and you can tell me that every morning Like Jesus, fuck, like what is wrong with you? How are you such an unhappy person? Yeah, and how am I staying with you?

Shellbz:

I didn't know it was that fucking bad I mean it was fucking awful.

Steph:

It was awful. I've never had anyone make me feel like like that bad before, that low. And then, of course, I'm the kind of person that if somebody is like coming at me, like with those kinds of things, I'm like I can fix it, I can fix me, I can be better.

Shellbz:

And you don't have to do that, but that's definitely the reaction, oh yeah.

Steph:

Trauma response for sure. Yeah, you want to like. You want to like prove that like I can be better, like I no one ever told me that before, so I didn't know that. So like I would take like 30 minutes trying to make sure my before I realized who fucking cares she did apparently apparently yeah, that was a, that was a big no-no.

Shellbz:

What the fuck Do you think that was like something to try to get you to not wear makeup?

Steph:

No, I think that was saying anything possible to like Just make you feel bad, make me feel bad, yeah, or just make me feel that I wasn't as attractive as I was. I honestly believe that was like what it came down to.

Shellbz:

That would not fucking surprise me either.

Steph:

I feel like that was the reason, because it wasn't just like the eyeliner, it was like my t-shirts, like I buy. I buy like t-shirts in six packs from Walmart. What the fuck's wrong with that? Because they're fucking t-shirts. I don't give a shit. So, yeah, I mean that was like a thing, and like what kind of dog food I bought and like all of this stuff was like all. It was all just like this manifestation of like. You feel like shit about yourself, so you want me to feel shit about myself and gross. And I did like I did for for a long time, like for that entire year. I felt terrible about myself, like I've never had someone make me feel so terrible about myself, like even even exes that were actively cheating on me at the time.

Shellbz:

Even they still never made you feel that shitty yeah.

Steph:

They never would make me feel that shitty about myself, Like never had anyone do that to me. And then like looking back and I'm like why would I let someone do that to me?

Shellbz:

I don't think we ever realize it in the moment, but, like, I think the same thing. You, you know, like the end of my marriage I felt the same way, every fucking little thing, and I was like why did I fucking do that to myself? Yeah, why, where did I lose my own self-respect to allow myself to get to that fucking low point? Yeah, because now I look at myself every day and I'm like, hey, bitch, have a good day, you know like how you doing. And now I have a girlfriend that consistently fucking hypes me up. Yesterday, this morning, she looked at me like I was a whole fucking snack just while I was trying to do shit around the house and I didn't know what to do with that. I was like, hey, I don't, I don't know what to do with my hands right now. Like, do I keep doing? Do you actually want me? Is this in my head? What's happening?

Shellbz:

I was fucking doing the dishes. What do you do with that? I don't know. I don't fucking know. Fuck me neither. I mean just smile. I mean, if the kids weren't there I would have just fucking cleaned everything off the counter. But I like it. I guess that wasn't a thing I could do.

Steph:

I'm getting breakfast, I'm doing the robe. I'm wanting the girls to love it. I love it.

Shellbz:

So much and I, okay, I can honestly say that I don't think I've ever been with somebody that wants me all of the time, all of the time, yeah, yeah, it feels fucking great, wonderful, great, and I told her today I was like I've never had anybody fucking look at me the way that you look at me. Yep, that is wild I know, I know's.

Steph:

So it feels so nice to finally be in like a relationship that you know is healthy, like that you know is with somebody that you know actually wants to be with you. You can see it, yeah, yeah, and make it very known.

Shellbz:

Obviously, like when I'm in my own head, like by myself or whatever that shit happens. All the time you get in your own head, sometimes like when I'm with her, I don't question a fucking thing, it just feels good feels right and I'm like huh glad I gave into that I said yes, I don't even know, fucking list it's fantastic, was it four things?

Steph:

I think, no, it was four. You're right. Okay, you put on here different kinds of love. Do you feel like each one, each love, was real? What the hell do you mean by that?

Shellbz:

Okay. So, for example, I'd be a liar if I said I hadn't been in love before.

Steph:

Right.

Shellbz:

You know or you know I didn't, I still have love for my ex-wife. I'm not in love with her for others was a real thing, or do you firmly believe that they were versions of love? Like, do you think that they can all be considered a type of love from your end?

Steph:

Yeah.

Shellbz:

They may not have been like reciprocated Right, but do you feel that the love you had for other people was legitimate? I don't know, but I was curious.

Steph:

I mean, it's a really, it's a really hard question. Like I, um I feel very, very terribly about and I think I always will I feel very terrible about my marriage. Like I feel very bad about that because, um, like, with all the therapy and with everything that was that happened afterwards, um, I feel like at that point in time, when I met my ex-wife, I just wanted to show her that there was good in the world, that there was somebody out there that was good and that could treat her well and could do all of these things. When I think back on it now, did I love her or did I want to, like, fix her? That's a good point. That's a good point.

Shellbz:

That makes me question things a little differently now as well.

Steph:

Shit Like it's. It's very hard to like think of and I feel I feel fucking terrible about this. I feel awful, I feel like I'm like a very bad person because of this, because I did do this. But like I remember like proposing and I remember like doing all of these things and I remembered like every step of the way, like what the fuck are you doing? Like inside of my head I was screaming like what the fuck are you doing?

Shellbz:

Like you did it anyway.

Steph:

I did it anyways because, like I didn't want, I didn't want her to think that, like she was going to have another person that abandoned her or wasn't there for her. But did I want that? Did I believe that that was going to last the entire time? I don't think so, Because if I did, I would have sold my house. And did I sell my house? I did not. There were signs in the back of my head. I was doing things. There were things that I was doing that I can look back to to prove to me, to prove to myself, that I was not in that relationship. I was in it because I wanted her to know that somebody could love her, could be there for her, could show up for her when they needed to.

Shellbz:

But yeah, is that one of those moments where, like you, forgot about yourself?

Steph:

Yeah, I didn't even care about myself, like I think that's like the big. The consistent thing throughout all of my relationships was I didn't give a shit about myself. I couldn't care about myself at all. And I mean the, the person that I was with for that long period of time. They were the person that I was with for that long period of time. They were, I mean, they kept me there because they told me they were trans. So they said, like during that period of time, like when they were in, they transitioned while we were in the relationship, right, and they said that every other relationship the thing they were most afraid of was that their girlfriends left them when they transitioned and they didn't want that to happen with us. And so you know, I was unhappy. I didn't want to be straight, I didn't want to pretend like I was straight.

Shellbz:

I didn't want any of that, which is understandable.

Steph:

Right, but I did it. I mean, I did it for 14 fucking years. But, it's awful.

Shellbz:

Yeah, you definitely just took their fear and you're like, well, fuck, I don't want to be that like well, fuck, I don't want to be that person too.

Steph:

I don't want to be that person, yeah, which is understandable.

Shellbz:

So, with that being said, like I feel that maybe you did have a form of love for this person because you cared so much, but I definitely think it's different when you love yourself first, when you finally like and can love somebody else at the same time, because I know that none of my fucking relationships I have never loved myself right, that's entirely true I guess, but for the most part it's definitely.

Steph:

I did not think of myself first well and I think that's just like a consistent thing, right, like for me it was. You know, every time I claimed that I was in love, you know I was in love completely lost myself, like I would completely lose myself in the other person I would I would be whoever they wanted or needed at that point in time. And yeah, like, whatever you need, whoever you need me to be, that's who I'm going to be. I just didn't know who the fuck. I was no idea, and that's why every single one of them was so hard. It was so difficult for me. I went through such like turmoil and like shit during all of that, like during leaving them, when I left them and I I felt like I was a failure, like, oh, I failed again. Like it's like, oh, stop, you're just going to have 5,000 relationships.

Shellbz:

Sometimes you got to fucking go through it though first.

Steph:

Yeah, yeah, I think that's. That's like very clear, like this time, like I was sure to like put a lot of like focus on me, like make sure that I'm doing everything that I need to do for myself, and I felt like it was selfish at first, like I can't even I apologize to Kelly so many times. This is what I had to do. Like this podcast is just fucking proof. Yeah, I couldn't ever do anything for myself, like I. I felt like it was it was wrong to do something for myself or to just be myself. You know it's always concerned, but somebody else was thinking or how they were perceiving it, and do you know it's always concerned what somebody else was thinking or how they were perceiving?

Shellbz:

it and do you think I don't know if I'm reflecting or not, probably but do you think that maybe we just wanted somebody to love us so terribly that we didn't fucking care who we were? Yep, because, based off of what you had just said, we you know, we kind of fucking forgot about our own needs and what we required in order to be the best version of ourself. Yep, we were just so desperate to be loved.

Steph:

Oh, yeah, I think, I mean I believe that I've been told that people are. But yeah, I mean, yeah, you just want somebody to like to see you, you know, to see who you are. And it almost gets to the point, and I feel like this is definitely true for me at least. Like I, I wanted somebody to love me the way that I loved them, right, so I would love them harder and I would do more, and I would do all of this stuff in hopes that they would like return it.

Steph:

Yeah, they would like reciprocate that and that's why, like I would stay forever, like I would stay until like my last goddamn breath.

Shellbz:

If I get any sense that you could give me the love that I could give you or did give you, yeah, that's definitely the way it was in my marriage too, and I don't like to talk a whole lot of shit about my ex-wife because, like, we're friends now, like we get along great. And I love that we can support each other with relationship stuff and we co-parent extremely well and I love that we can support each other with relationship stuff and we co-parent extremely well.

Shellbz:

And we've both forgiven. You know each other, like I know I wasn't fucking perfect. I know there's more I could have done, but I do know and she'll tell you the same thing that I didn't give a fuck about myself. She's like you always thought about me and never yourself. Therefore, that's what made you unhappy. She's not wrong at all, but I question why the I did that and then, after I don't know what, hit me to make me realize it, after we separated. But I promised myself I'd never chase anybody ever again. I promised myself that I would never lose the way that I am now, because I actually really like who I am now. But then I almost feel a sense of guilt as like, why couldn't I be that way for somebody else?

Steph:

Right.

Shellbz:

Like why couldn't I get to that point before? I don't know what kind of bullshit we all need to go through before we get to that point. But like why does it take bullshit to see that?

Steph:

I don't know. I mean, if you have that answer, that'd be fucking fantastic.

Shellbz:

Seriously, I'd love to hear that I realize that neither one of us are probably going to have it, but like I think about it consistently.

Steph:

I mean, I do too. I just I always, I consistently like wonder like why, why I couldn't? You know why that didn't work out, why why this one didn't work out? And like, the only thing I come back to over and over again is because it wasn't supposed to. And you know, that's probably the only answer. It just wasn't meant to be like it just just like it was bad because it was supposed to get you to where you're at right now.

Shellbz:

That's the only explanation that you need and she asked me the other day my girlfriend did she's like where have you been my whole life? I said well, I had to fuck up a few times and figure it out before I could find you. So be thankful for all the fuck-ups prior to you. I wouldn't be where I'm at now without it. And like the other day, she's like I wish I was as patient as you. I said I have not always been patient, I have not always been this way and I don't know why that is. I don't know what specifically triggered me to get to the point now, but I don't know. I just wonder why we have to go through so much shit, or why we put ourselves in shitty positions like we actively realize that it could be terrible and we're like let's fucking do that, and then it's terrible, it's fucking awful, and then we cry about it. But we knew what we were doing before we got to that point.

Steph:

Why the fuck do we do that? I don't know. Let's not do that anymore. I fucking hope so, jesus you have to see it as a positive in some way, shape, shape or form. Well, it's because, like when you're in it, like when you're in the shit, like you cannot see, you can't like see your way out.

Shellbz:

No, not at all.

Steph:

And I I always like, I seriously like thought about this for a really long time, like what is it Like? What was like the final straw, like what did it like? Why, why, why did you, why, why could you put up with all of these things? And then all of a sudden, you're just like I'm fucking done, like I'm, I'm over this shit, I'm not doing it anymore. Yeah, I think about that, like with my ex-wife, with basically everything 17 and a half fucking years it's a long fucking time. What in the fuck Like? Why did you decide that was it Like? Why was that the thing that made?

Shellbz:

you. Why couldn't that have been a little sooner?

Steph:

Right, jesus, that was like. That was my prime years. My prime, I think now is your prime. Yeah For sure. It definitely is.

Shellbz:

Yeah.

Steph:

I'm living it right now.

Shellbz:

You fucking are, and I love that for you. What else you got? I don't know. I feel like that was pretty good, though. Yeah, there's a lot of things that I needed to talk about. I don't know if I needed it. They needed it, you needed it.

Steph:

Was there anything else on the list? Infatuation, obsession, love and lust.

Shellbz:

Okay, what do you think the difference is? If you had to answer the question are you sure you're in love with me, are you inf me or do you just want to have sex with me? How would you answer? Like, how would you know?

Steph:

I honestly believe this is a feeling, I 100% believe this is a vibe. You get right, and I say this all the time and, like anybody that knows me, will say the exact same thing. Right, I am horny, I'm horny, I'm horny.

Shellbz:

I love that for you. I love that for Kelly.

Steph:

And I love that for Kelly Right and I have had a lot of I don't date, I'm not a dater. I have a lot of hookups Like I I consistently like hook up with people, right, but if I have sex with you more than once, I'm going to date you Like we're dating. Because there's something inside of me that says, like, if I hook up with you, there's this like feeling that happens, like inside of me that says, yeah, this is this, is it Like I'm going to, we're going to there's a reason that we need to move forward with this.

Steph:

Yeah, there's a reason that that that needs to continue. Um, and I don't feel like I get obsessed with someone until, like, I'm dating them. I feel like, like the first time we have sex, that's infatuation. Right Now, I'm infatuated with you, I lusting after you, right, I want to have sex with you again, so, we're going to date, and that's fair.

Steph:

Now we're going to date and then you know, second time it's like, okay, yeah, I'm do it, let's do it, let's do it. And I don't determine, like that I'm in love with that person until I see, like what they you know what they mirror back to me, like how they're mirroring that back to me, like how they, how they treat me, and I also like don't trust, like those first couple of weeks in the relationship, like anybody can fake it for you know, a month, like can you fucking, can you fake it for two, for three? Some people can. You're right, eventually, like it, your true self is going to come out. Like you can't hide yourself forever. Oh, eventually you're, I'm going to see who you actually are. But by the time I see who they actually are, normally it's too late for me because I'm trying to juggle like five balls in the air, trying to fix everything that's wrong with you and make you into a good person.

Shellbz:

I'm trying to fix somebody. I was just curious because, like so, somebody had brought this to my attention, that so I had a couple women on TikTok that had big feelings for me, and I'm not trying to invalidate or disregard their feelings at all, but a part of me thinks it was more of a infatuation you know what I mean. More so the idea of me rather than me as a person. And I know that they had said, you know, like I started to fall for you and whatever. But did you actually or did you just think that you wanted to be because of who I am on TikTok versus who I am in real life? Those two people are not the fucking same.

Shellbz:

No, they're not Not even remotely the same. Sorry, guys, but I had somebody actually asked me this question because I was clinging to one person for so long. This person asked me are you sure you're in love with me, or are you just in love with the idea of me? Are you in lust with me? Do you just want to fuck me? Like what is it? And I said well, I know I don't just want to fuck you, because I try to see you and talk to you every fucking day, so I know that that's not all it is.

Shellbz:

You can send me pictures it doesn't have to be of you naked and I'm totally happy with that Infatuation. I think would be more so that the attraction or attention would go elsewhere very easily. You know what I mean, but it never sidetracked from that. So that's what I view as infatuation. Like somebody else could get your attention super fucking quick, right, and then that obsession is over. But in love, I feel this could be. Everybody's interpretation of this is very different, but I think in love is definitely the way that a person affects your everyday life. Like I mean, you can fuck somebody, right, but that's not going to have an effect typically on your daily life and the way you do things and the way you see yourself. That's lust. You can fuck somebody and carry on, yep, but I've discovered that the way that a person makes you feel about yourself is how to determine if you're truly in love with them or not.

Steph:

I can't stop fucking thinking about this girl, okay right, I can see it definitely in your eyes and I've already grossed. Okay, no, now I know what everyone sees, right?

Shellbz:

and I. I told her I'm like, I'm so fucking in love with you. This is dumb. I don't know what's happening right now. I don't know what the fuck you did to me, but I am here for it. But, like fun fact, we hadn't actually officially met right up until like a month ago, but four years ago we were in the same place at the same time and we locked eyes on one another, but she looked a little different then.

Shellbz:

She had like really, really short hair. But I asked her when we started hanging out I'm like, were you ever like a water park ever? Like you go to those very much? And she's like not really. And then we were sitting there today and I said I said a place that I know that I saw her at I'm not gonna put all those into the podcast at the moment, but she's like, yeah, I was there and I said when were you? She told me I was like I fucking looked you dead in the eyes when we were there. Like I know I did yeah, because I remembered her. And like you get the gut feeling to not walk away from somebody, like no matter if you should or not, but the gut feeling said not to and I kept fucking messaging her and I kept showing up no-transcript, want this one.

Steph:

I mean I I agree with you, Like I a hundred percent agree with you. I think that like all of those things are like leading up to, but like that there's a stupid, stupid fucking saying if you know, you know, but sometimes you do, sometimes you do, but I have a hard time like trusting myself at all that. That is like I don't know. Like I have a difficult time trusting like my own feelings about things. That's fair. Like Like I I ask a thousand questions, like I am constantly like digging to try and like find the shit it's in there somewhere, I fucking know it is.

Steph:

Tell me what it is. But yeah, I mean, I get it, like I understand that. I just think that, like all of those, like if I'm in love with someone, I also want to be infatuated and lost with them, and and I think that all of those things can coexist.

Shellbz:

I do feel that way, but I also know that I've had individuals where those things are very separate from one another, like there's people that I have strictly just wanted to fuck and I wanted nothing else outside of that, and there's people where that I've been like I just can't get enough of you, but also I don't want to be with you. Yeah, you know what I mean, um, but I do think that they can coexist. I was just curious if you thought that there was a difference on how you would view those. I don't know, but I think that nobody's the same. Yeah, so I don't know, meant to be in my life for a reason.

Shellbz:

Right, and that's where I started with that person. Even though it hurt like a bitch, that's the first person that I started to see the positives and things, because even she had said she's like you know, even if this is never a thing for very long, this was fucking amazing and it was beautiful and I was like, yeah, you're right. It was like I can't disagree with you and it just helped me learn different ways of seeing shitty situations.

Steph:

So I can thank her, but also that sucks. Thanks for that, but no, I get that Like I. I think that that same way, like there are, there are several people that like message me all the time on on Tik TOK and um, I laugh about it because I'm like you don't know anything about me, you know nothing about me. Like come off of it right now, like stop fucking around. But I think I think that that same exact way. That's the reason why I could never like do I can never do a long distance relationship. Like you know, your five hour is like Jesus. I'm like there's no fucking way.

Shellbz:

Five hours is a lot better than fucking 22. Okay, it's like Jesus, I'm like. There's no fucking way. Five hours is a lot better than fucking 22.

Steph:

Yeah, jesus, like it could never work. Like in my brain it's like that could never work.

Shellbz:

I tried. I just wanted to like try it because otherwise I wouldn't have an opinion on it.

Steph:

Right right.

Shellbz:

I can in fact acknowledge that it does not work. It's not a thing I can do.

Steph:

Are you planning on moving? There's no fucking way. But yeah, I mean, I think that I think I know when I am in love, because I am obsessed with them like I am. I want everything like. I want everything same, like give it all to me right now, because it doesn't matter what you say, it doesn't matter what you do I, it doesn't matter what you do, I'm in love with you, yeah that's just where it is.

Shellbz:

You can fucking be who you are. I don't give a shit.

Steph:

I'm here for it, you show me, you reciprocate that in any way, shape or form, and, yeah, I'll be there. I will 100% be there.

Shellbz:

And gentle reassurance. By the way, what the fuck is that? Do you get that? I get it. I'm like I don't know what to do with that.

Steph:

Okay, you do like me, that's okay. I apologize. I don't know. I'm sorry, am.

Shellbz:

I doing too much. I'm so fucking glad we're both here.

Steph:

I love this for us. It feels great. It really does.

Shellbz:

Yeah.

Steph:

You better not break my heart, mom.

Shellbz:

I got that yesterday from her mom, by the way.

Steph:

Yeah.

Shellbz:

Yeah, you better not hurt her. Please take care of her. Yes, ma'am, I will do my best. Yes, please don't fucking shoot me. But yeah, I don't know. Those are just wild thoughts that I had and I was curious as to what your take was.

Steph:

I like it. I like it a lot. Okay, that is a wrap for this episode of Liz Communicate. We want to remind you to visit our website at lizcommunicatecom. From there, you can join our Discord and you can chat with us in real time. Send us an email at queers. At Liz communicatecom, you can follow our social media sites. Visit our store. Don't forget to like, follow, share on whatever app you're currently using. It really helps us out. Thank you all so much for listening. Just one more thing we got to do.

Shellbz:

I'm Shelby and this is Steph Bitch. I love you.

Steph:

I love you too. The sound on the last one was fucking amazing, was it? Mm-hmm, good, good, good I'm not changing it, please.

Shellbz:

What we do understand.

Steph:

But me I mean like slapping my ass like Jesus Christ. That's why I didn't drink, like what the fuck?

Shellbz:

You were feeling pretty good before I got here.

Steph:

Apparently, yeah, apparently, apparently.

Shellbz:

I think you definitely need three. I'll be exactly I don't know.

Steph:

I have like a fucking bump on my head for a while. It's certainly first.

Shellbz:

You got pretty fucked up Physically as well. This shirt is rigid. Maybe you should open up the other side probably no.

Steph:

Oh, my god, I mean these clothes. That's laughing. I'm just laughing. I'm just laughing. I'm just laughing. I'm just laughing. I'm just laughing. I'm just laughing. I'm just laughing. I'm just laughing. I'm just laughing. I'm just laughing. I'm just laughing. I'm just laughing. I'm just laughing. I'm just laughing. I'm just laughing. I'm just on. I'm trying to find my train. Alright, we have to do an outro. All right, do we have to do an outro? We did a pretty good one last time. Yes, you should Thank you. Yeah, okay, that was great. I love you. Yeah, yeah, okay, fantastic, I don't. I don't Fucking draw. It's my dream. You know that. Yeah, you can say I love you, I love you, I love you. Oh, yeah, since I do love you, that was awesome, thank you.

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