Messy Love Stories Part 1

"Why do we keep moving in together after just four days when it never works out?" That's the burning question at the heart of this hilarious and honest exploration of U-Hauling in queer relationships. Steph and Shellbz hold nothing back as they dissect their own disastrous experiences with moving in too quickly—from Steph's teenage romance with a woman nine years her senior to Shellb's accidental snapchat mishap that exposed her fuckboi tendencies.

The hosts challenge the stereotype that U-Hauling is exclusively a lesbian phenomenon, though they admit the queer timeline seems ridiculously accelerated: "It's usually lesbians with like four weeks, maybe two... Like four days." They unpack the psychology behind these rushed decisions, revealing how present-focused thinking blinds us to long-term compatibility issues. "You don't even look at the bigger picture," Shellbz points out. "You just look at the right now."

What makes this conversation particularly compelling is the hosts' self-awareness. Steph recognizes how she's shifted from being the reluctant U-Hauler in past relationships to eagerly encouraging her current partner to move in—but with a crucial difference. She now regularly checks in: "Are you sure you actually want to do this?" This growth reflects a deeper understanding of healthy relationship progression. Meanwhile, Shellbz shares her experience of gradually integrating into her partner's space, from leaving a toothbrush to having dedicated dresser space, illustrating that not all cohabitation journeys need to involve a literal U-Haul.

The episode reaches peak entertainment with a listener's dating horror story involving deceptive profile pictures and the shock of discovering her date was dramatically shorter than expected—"Standing next to me was a woman in 10-inch boots... maybe three feet two inches tall."

Join our community at lizcommunicate.com, follow us on social media, and share your own U-Hauling stories with us! Have you ever moved in too quickly with someone? We want to hear about it!

Visit our Website

lezcommunicate.com

Connect with us on Discord

⁠https://discord.gg/S75b4aNHvk⁠

Connect with us via email

queers@lezcommunicate.com

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Let's Communicate
• 2:15 Is U-Hauling Always a Disaster?
• 6:14 Personal U-Haul Experiences
• 8:47 Red Flags and Relationship Patterns
• 12:09 Current Relationship Situations
• 17:35 Messiest Dating Stories
• 19:09 Wrap Up and Closing

Transcript

Steph: 0:07

Welcome to let's Communicate the podcast, where queerness meets chaos, honesty meets hilarity and nothing is off limits. I'm your host, steph, and I'm here with my bestie, shelby, and we are diving headfirst into relationships, hot takes and all the things we definitely shouldn't be saying out loud. So grab your Red Bull or your cocktail and let's communicate. Okay, fine, we can do the. Is U-Hauling always a disaster? Yeah, okay, all right, okay, so talk about that then. Do you think U-Hauling is always a disaster or not?

Shellbz: 0:45

Well, I feel like every time that I've done it it's been a disaster, but I don't think it always has to be a disaster. I think it could be a good idea for some.

Steph: 0:57

Do you feel like it's just lesbians that it's a disaster for because we move too quickly? That's what it's really getting to Like. We move too quickly. That's what it's really getting to Like. We move very quickly. We do, You're not wrong.

Shellbz: 1:06

That's a good question. I don't feel like it's lesbian specific or queer specific in any way shape or form. It just appears that way. But because, like I have a friend that I think they were dating for like four months and they moved in together Straight couple, I think they're OK but I'm not like part of that relationship obviously.

Steph: 1:27

That's a straight couple with four months under their belt.

Shellbz: 1:30

Yeah, so it's usually lesbians with like four weeks, maybe two.

Steph: 1:34

Like four days.

Shellbz: 1:35

Four? Yeah, you're not wrong.

Steph: 1:36

Yep, let's do it. Fair point. We're fucking in this.

Shellbz: 1:40

That's a true point. So I guess, with my experience, the ones that let's talk about my experiences. So my first one was nine years older than me. At the time she was 29. I think she still lived with her mom so, and I was young, so I didn't know any better. I was, I was 18.

Steph: 2:01

So I didn't know any better.

Shellbz: 2:02

I just saw somebody looking at me and I was like I love you so much. That was not good, mind you, she was also like a recovering meth addict. So my first one was real good, okay, and I was like this is the one, we should buy a house together. I should buy a house for her at 18. Yeah, it's a grand idea. Turns out that wasn't a good and she was cheating on me in said house that I bought. So there's strike one. Strike two was a girl. I cheated on another girl where there's a lot and only time I cheated. I just want to make that clear. But I had a crush on her for years and then we I don't even think we were officially together and I think she was moved in within maybe, maybe a month, maybe. Turns out that one cheated on me too. So I mean whatever.

Shellbz: 2:45

Fucking lesbians and cheating and bitches, and I think that was because she, her lease was up if we were going to be together. She didn't want to renew it or whatever, and it was a shitty place she was in. So I was like let me save you, don't do that. Side note, don't do that. Take mental note.

Shellbz: 2:59

I don't fucking know jesus and then the third one was my ex-wife. She broke up with her ex-girlfriend and had nowhere to go. I was like we're really good friends, you should move in with me, and here we are divorced. But but I mean, we were together for eight years. Okay, it wasn't a great eight years, but you know. So I mean, I definitely think that it's important to get to know a person in all situations.

Steph: 3:26

Okay. However, you're not going to follow your own advice. Okay, okay, okay.

Shellbz: 3:30

But if my girlfriend and I could live together, we would be already. But I think the universe is like no, no, no, no, no, you need to wait a minute Because we haven't one, we haven't had any luck right, but we've seen each other through a lot of different scenarios that I feel are extremely important. I mean, there's probably going to be different ones at some point, but I feel like I could confidently move in with her now. I just I don't have a choice.

Steph: 3:55

Yeah, but to not well, um, I didn't follow my own choice. No, yeah, I think Kelly slowed us down just a little bit, maybe.

Shellbz: 4:09

No, not really I think this you guys were together for four months, weren't you?

Steph: 4:13

I mean, yeah, but she was basically living here like in month two. She just had to like commute back and forth for work, and then I got sick of that and so and then and then I said, just move in, why don't you just come live with me? It's stupid that you're paying rent why?

Shellbz: 4:30

why do that? But you could just be here rent free.

Steph: 4:33

I don't understand I will cook for you every night seemed like a win-win to me um, yeah, I just um u-hauling, like especially lesbian culture. You hauling is fucking intense, like it really is fucking intense, and I feel like I want to be judgy, but I also cannot be judgy.

Shellbz: 4:52

Same.

Steph: 4:53

I hate that, like I have this friend, um, and her and her girlfriend just, uh, just met, oh my God. So get this, I'm going to tell this story. Oh, by the way, I have another my brain's going.

Shellbz: 5:05

Nope, let it happen. We can segue back, it's okay.

Steph: 5:08

Sure, it's fine. So her and her girlfriend met and she told her girlfriend, told her that she was living with a roommate, right, okay. So anyways, they've been getting hotels back and forth, you know, because they you know, one's here and one's in Des Moines, two hours away. Basically They've been getting hotels at both places because, of course, my friend also had a roommate at the time which she got kicked out of there and now she has her own place, but that's neither here nor there, but anyways. So come to find out the girlfriend's roommate is an ex.

Steph: 5:42

Her husband no Fucking husbands. Her husband no Fucking husband. Her husband oh God. Now, granted, the girlfriend says that they're getting a divorce. There's just some immigration issues going on there, you know, I get that Like all this stuff. That could be true, and he's from like Switzerland or something like that, and they have a house together and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All I'm screaming, like at the top of my lungs is like red fucking flags.

Shellbz: 6:08

Huge red flags.

Steph: 6:10

Christ, don't do this. But it's too late, you know it's too late. Four days has already passed. So they're fucking in love. Yeah, you know God. So yeah, I find myself like on social media, like looking at my lesbian friends and they're like lesbian relationships and I'm always like I would never do such a thing like that. And here I am, like fucking Kelly sitting right next to me, like oh yeah, they're not. I'm like, literally, they've been together like a month longer. I am such a judgy lesbian.

Shellbz: 6:38

Okay, I can be too. It's hard not to, I know. And then you sit back and you look at yourself and you're like wait a damn minute, fucking do that. I am doing that.

Steph: 6:49

no, it's fine yeah, when I think about like you hauling, when I think about you hauling just in general, I always think like disaster, this shit's going to end in disaster. And what I mean is like by you hauling I mean like you're fucking, you've known each other like a week. You're moving in with each other. You know, I had a. I have a friend, a lesbian friend, that has literally been through just this year already and it's like what? August? So four relationships, two proposals like in fucking, like eight months, not even eight, eight, that's so much, oh my God. And it's like every other month is brand new. I'm like, yeah, I don't think it's going to work out, honey.

Shellbz: 7:31

I think that's dangerous. There's some self red flags that need to be reflected on, I think.

Steph: 7:37

God, yeah. But I always wonder about like do we do? Like if you move in with somebody, I know you always have that like expectation, like, yes, it's good, this is going to work out. Like, of course this is going to work out, but it very rarely does, you're not wrong. Like how do we convince ourselves? How is our brains like ticking in this way that we convince ourselves like, yep, this is going to be fine.

Shellbz: 8:01

Absolutely. You don't even look at the bigger picture or like down the road, you don't even look a week from that moment. You just look at the right now, which isn't always a bad thing in certain circumstances, but when it comes to living together, that's a fucking huge thing oh yeah, because then you like learn all of their, their quirks, right yeah, like things and also like just to be clear, like if they're a narcissist, they're only like, just to be clear.

Steph: 8:24

Like if they're a narcissist, they're only going to make it three to six months.

Shellbz: 8:26

So I made it eight years.

Steph: 8:31

I mean, I don't think she did though Like you just kept. You were just like in a trauma bond at that point.

Shellbz: 8:37

You're not wrong. You're not wrong. Yeah, I don't know what the hell we were fighting for, but clearly it wasn't each other. What does the process of U-Hauling look like for you Like where does it start? And you're like, oh no.

Steph: 8:51

Yeah, so I have not. Kelly's probably one of the first people that I've ever had like U-Haul into my house, like this is my. You were talking about that college and we just got an apartment together. Like we had an apartment together like three weeks after knowing each other but we literally needed an apartment, you know. So it was like, okay, this is a natural like transition.

Steph: 9:23

My next one I had moved in with me in a rental house, but I don't really remember how that happened. Kelly is the first person that I've ever actually had like move in here, that I've been the U-Haul-y I don't know the U-Hauler, no U-Haul-y. So the U-Haul arrived at my doorstep right. So like with that, you know, immediately I wanted, like I wanted her to move in. I wanted her to live with me, I wanted her here all of the time and then I started to feel bad because I know that with my ex-wife and with my ex both of those situations I was the U-Hauler and I was very reluctant to be there. I did not necessarily want to live with these people Like I was just I didn't mind staying there, but I also wanted my own space, like I wanted my own house. I never let go of my house. I've had this house forever.

Steph: 10:14

There's a reason that you did that, of course. But I realized, like how I was talking to her and like I was trying to get her to like I'm like, come on, bring your stuff, bring more stuff. Like bring all your stuff, I want everything you own here. Um, and then I started to like feel, I started to feel almost guilty because of that. I'm like, oh shit, this is what other people were doing to me. So then I had to like do the check ins all the time. Are you sure you actually want to do this? Do you want to keep your longer? Like do you want to do this? And she said no to all those things. But you know, I said none of those things too, but I never actually gave up. But obviously.

Shellbz: 10:52

I think it's important to note that you recognize that. So you reassured her that if it's not actually what she wants, that it was okay, and I think that in itself probably made her feel more comfortable, knowing that that was not going to change that relationship, whereas I assume that your exes if you wouldn't have it, would have been a whole thing.

Steph: 11:12

Yeah, it was a whole thing, God, it was always a thing.

Shellbz: 11:15

That's dangerous it was a whole thing, god, it was always a thing. That's dangerous.

Steph: 11:17

It was constantly a. Thing.

Shellbz: 11:18

I don't know.

Steph: 11:19

Fuck, I don't know. I don't know. I just I wanted to know your take on the U-Haul situation.

Shellbz: 11:24

Yeah, no, I was just curious because, like so, I have always been the person that they move in with me, always, always, I'm like, oh, it's fine, you should live with me, I have the room, I'm alone, whatever. And then they're always like, yes, I would love to do that, right? So this is the first time where I've actively stayed at somebody else's house and like the first time I ever stayed there, I just took a fucking duffel bag, you know, with my whatever I needed and then slowly my clothes started staying there, right, and she would wash my clothes. And then I was like, oh, can I just leave a toothbrush? Actually, that's not true, I was going to and she went and bought me a new toothbrush so that I could have it at her house. She bought me everything I needed body wash, razor, everything and I was like, okay, I'm okay with this.

Shellbz: 12:05

It was strange and uncomfortable initially, not because of her, but because I'd never been in that situation. It was the first time ever. But now, time ever. But now I'm over half the time and finally she's like you really need to stay at your house. I don't want you to, but you probably should because you pay rent there yeah, and you don't need to pay rent just for your cats.

Shellbz: 12:23

And I was like so now it's like two days a week that I stay at home. It I they just kind of gradually happened. She even brought me up one of those little dresser things to put my clothes in in the bedroom and then she cleaned up the nightstand on my side of the bed and like took some of her things out of it so I could put my own things in it. And she just did that and it just felt natural and like good, I've never had that, I've never had anybody be like you should move in with me, I can't move in with her because we can't have extra pets.

Steph: 12:51

So that's out, which is fine, I just stay there how is your moving in process going, your house hunting process?

Shellbz: 12:59

yeah, we looked at a couple and none of them, not because we didn't want them, but they just didn't pan out like they didn't choose us as the renter. But we were talking and we're like, well, it's only like another year and I can probably buy a house as long as I'm smart about it and get my credit up or whatever she's. It'd be really silly for us to move now, to buy a house next year and move again or be stuck in a lease and then not be able to do that. And what we would pay in a house you know mortgage payment it's probably less than what we both pay now together, or maybe equal, I guess depends on where it's at. But so I think we're going to just try and stick it out until then. Obviously, if something really decent comes along, we'll probably take it.

Shellbz: 13:40

But as of now we just kind of are trying to accommodate schedules and make sure that I stay at my house a couple of times a week just to like justify renting. But so it hasn't really gone anywhere. But I have a lot of things at her house other than my cats. My daughter has her own uh dresser, like in the her daughter's closet and has her own half of the closet and toys there and bedding, and so I don't. I mean it's good, but finding a place is just kind of in limbo, okay, but maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. You know, maybe it's good we spend all of our time together as much as we can, but I think it also will solidify that relationship just based on both of our traumas and the shit we've been through, because I know that we both have moments that are terrifying, which is understandable. But yeah, so that's where we're at. I think we're gonna try and buy next year well, that's solid, this is solid yeah yeah, I know, kelly just got her license.

Steph: 14:34

That has our address on it.

Shellbz: 14:36

Yeah.

Steph: 14:37

A little celebratory thing after that. Yeah, she got her tags here.

Shellbz: 14:42

That's exciting. It's the little things, though, and it just really like brings the reality to the light when those little things are changed yeah, it's nice, it's nice I love that for you so funny story I we have the discord, you know yeah, did you have you looked at the discord recently?

Steph: 15:01

I have not so I put a message on the discord and I told people to tell me their messiest, ugliest, funniest lesbian relationship things going down right. So I got some messages.

Shellbz: 15:17

I'm trying right now to figure out how to do it anyways.

Steph: 15:21

So I got a message like a personal message yeah, a message, and I'm not supposed to say any names or anything like that, but, um, here it goes. Here's what they said. Here's what their response to this was. And it says here goes one.

Steph: 15:39

I started chatting with a lady that had a cute pic. First, red flag. The pics on her page looked like they were from the late 90s, but I still followed through. We exchanged texts off the app for a no. What kind of lesbian are you? Much better one than me, damn. Okay, so it goes on.

Steph: 16:03

She picks the restaurants. I got there on time. She was already seated. She did not get up when I got there. Red flag number two. So she was older than her pictures, of course, and she was bragging about her business.

Steph: 16:16

And we had like two things in common. When the server came to ask for dessert, I said no before she even finished asking. By the way, the girl had not gotten up since we got there. Red flag number three. So we're both seated in a booth. The booths were pretty high off the ground, which I found odd. I'm 5'2" and I noticed it. So she pays for dinner. No chemistry, I just wanted to go. I kind of jump off the booth, then I see her, swing out her little legs and jump down from the booth. Standing next to me was a woman in 10-inch boots. Then she stood maybe four feet two inches tall. Then, as we were leaving, she had the nerve to tell me to hurry the fuck up. Little Eggs was walking faster than me. Probably because I was in shock, I waved bye as this bitch jumped into her Porsche. I hate my life. I obviously followed up with a lot of laughter on that one and she responded back seriously. She was like 3-2 on a good day.

Shellbz: 17:17

Yeah, that's why she didn't hit up, for sure.

Steph: 17:20

Yeah. So what is your worst, messiest, ugliest lesbian relationship dating story? I was thinking about this this whole time and I'm like I can't think of one because all of mine I always end up in a relationship with and they all ended terrible yeah, most of mine have been that way.

Shellbz: 17:40

I definitely have okay I don't know if I've mentioned this the snapchat situation where two girls snapped me the same time and they were together. Oh, this is so. So I think I was probably 22, maybe 23, and old enough to know better, old enough to know better for sure. Well, at that point I had just gotten super fit. I was so full of myself, all of the things right. So I was talking to girls. It's disgusting to think about now, but I was definitely talking to too many.

Steph: 18:13

You were a full-on fuckboy then.

Shellbz: 18:15

Yeah, 110%. And so I was messaging on Facebook and Snapchatting these two girls. They were both fun to talk to, they were both very attractive. And then one night I was just at my house by myself drinking and I opened a Snapchat from one of them, but both of them were in the picture and I was like shit.

Steph: 18:33

Yeah, yeah, you busted.

Shellbz: 18:35

I was like I don't know what to do now, fuck. I was like I didn't know. You guys knew each other.

Steph: 18:42

Did you send a snapback of, like your dog or something, so they don't know?

Shellbz: 18:46

I don't remember what happened. I just know that neither one of them were a fan of that. Understandably, so many years later, one of those girls tried getting with me again, actually like right after I got divorced, and that's all I could picture was that moment, and I was like that's how that person's going to see me forever Apparently not. Apparently not, but that's one of the messiest ones.

Steph: 19:09

Okay, we are going to cut it off right there, but don't worry, part two is coming very, very soon, we promise. But in the meantime, if you could head on over to our website, lizcommunicatecom, join our Discord and that way you can chat with us in real time, you can send us an email, you can follow us on our socials and please don't forget to like, follow, share on whatever app you're currently using. Also, if we're not on your favorite player, please let us know so we can fix that. I want to thank you guys so much for listening. There's just one more thing.

Shellbz: 19:45

I'm Shelby and this is Steph Bitch. I love you. I love you too. Aww, okay, okay, this is Shelby, that's good. No, I'm Shelby and this is Steph Bitch. I love you. I love you too.

Steph: 20:14

Aww, yeah, that's good, that was it.

Shellbz: 20:19

Oh, look at me go. I need to look at the back If it's on stairwell.

Steph: 20:25

I'm trying, hold on. I'm trying over and over again. Is that it Okay?

Shellbz: 21:07

Every time I run into this game it's like I didn't think I was that I know I have a dad bod but I didn't think I was that wide. We need like a you Yep, what are you trying to do? Look at that. Oh see, look at I already looked at it New camera. That's so cool. I don't feel as huge. That's huge. That's great. Just lay it on the bed. So cool, that's amazing. Thank you, mike. Thank you, you're welcome. How are you doing? Just fine, how are they? I went to this one and they're so much smaller, so much more than this. There's this nice and like three-day, so it's got to be like two foot. I'll just say it's just like two feet. I got one called. There's 40,000 of them. This is Indiana. I've been looking everywhere. Thank you.